The process of falling in love, how to go from ordinary friends to a romantic relationship?

Most people’s love starts from acquaintance to ordinary friends, then slowly develops familiarity, and then the relationship heats up to the stage of lovers.

In today’s article, I drew this “underlying logic of warming up relationships” into a “four-ring relationship advancement” diagram, which will help you understand the process of love more easily and know how to advance the relationship between the two parties through chatting.

These are all useful info~, good news for those friends who don’t know how to advance relationships!

The main text begins.

When we promote relationships, we are most likely to fall into two misunderstandings:

1. Ignoring that the foundation for a relationship to progress is getting comfortable with each other

2. Treat being touched as love

Let’s talk about the first one first: comfort, which is the basis for advancing the relationship

The reason why you like to play with someone is because the other person can bring you happiness and comfort, otherwise you would have ignored the other person long ago.

Everyone has the tendency to seek benefits and avoid harm.

When we see something beneficial, we will approach it, while when we see something that makes us uncomfortable or harmful, we will naturally reject and stay away from it.

When many boys and girls are in love, girls always say:

1) I really don’t have any feelings for you

2) I don’t want to fall in love right now

3) Let’s just be friends

4) You are a nice person, but we are not suitable

But in fact, saying these words is equivalent to telling you: I don’t like you, don’t bother me anymore!

It may seem that there is no attraction between the two of you, but the underlying reason is that you are unable to give her a comfortable feeling of being with her.

This sounds very mysterious. How can we quantify “comfort”, a highly subjective adjective?

In fact, the simplest sense of comfort is manifested in:

a. They can understand each other when speaking

b. Take the other person’s emotions into consideration when advancing the relationship

c. Be natural and not awkward when dating

d. When you are in love, you give to each other equally.

However, when many people get along with each other, they care more about their own feelings and ignore the other person’s emotions. Once the emotional balance is unbalanced, the relationship will naturally break down.

Let me talk about the second one: Touching ≠ Love

When pursuing girls, many boys always use “pseudo-effort” and self-touching efforts in an attempt to impress the girls and make them fall in love with them.

Even when the other person doesn’t like you because of this, you will feel angry.

The mistake here is that once you want to “gain” feelings by “giving”, you are essentially turning love into a transaction.

This may not be easy to understand, so we extract this step:

You give gifts → satisfy the girl’s needs → let the girl satisfy your needs (become your girlfriend)

Does this process sound familiar to you? Is this the model we usually use when doing business?

But love is not a transaction. Love is emotional, while transaction is rational.

When a girl sees your efforts as a means to get her, your sincerity is no longer genuine, but you have other intentions. Your kindness may be seen as love and touching by you, but in the eyes of the girl it is just a means to pursue her.

So don’t pursue someone with self-touching efforts. You don’t need to pursue in a humble way. Instead, you should let love happen quietly through the tension created by the comfortable relationship between the two of you.

So the boys’ thinking about love should be transformed into this:

Like a girl → become friends with her → make her feel comfortable when you are with her → make her like you → fall in love

1. Four-ring key promotion

According to the above ideas, the advancement of the relationship between boys and girls can actually be divided into 4 steps:

Stranger → Friend → Ambiguous → Intimacy

Each stage is regarded as a cycle, and to become an intimate couple from ordinary friends, one must gradually jump from the friend stage to the ambiguous stage, and finally to the intimate stage.

Emphasize the key points! The key word here is to move forward step by step (do not skip steps).

Correct and healthy love is: four rings gradually skipping the intimacy stage.

To accomplish a task or goal, you need to proceed step by step. This is especially true for warming up a relationship. Only after both parties have established sufficient comfort and goodwill at each stage, and then slowly try to improve the relationship and enter the next stage, will your relationship become comfortable and natural.

So how do you chat to advance a relationship?

Here is a simple formula for you:

Topic + You and Me + Relationship Extension

Meaning: consciously shift the topic of conversation between you to the direction of your relationship and feelings. Only in this way can you advance the relationship, not just discuss the matter.

Note: When you are in the stage of strangers → friends, you don’t need to use this formula. You just need to chat with each other, and after exchanging information, those who are suitable will naturally become friends.

To do this:

What a nice weather today!

——Well, the weather is nice, suitable for us to go shopping together.

“Topic: Weather. You and Me: We. Relationship extension: Let’s go shopping together”

If both parties are already interested and are moving towards the ambiguous stage, you can add details: Well, the weather is nice, it’s suitable for us to go shopping hand in hand.

Here is another example:

M: How old are you this year?

Female: XX years old

M: This is the best age for love.

“Topic: Age. You and me: Love implies a relationship. Relationship extension: Age is linked to love – moving towards feelings”

The benefit of doing this is that you are no longer just discussing the topic, but trying to advance the relationship. This will help the topic between you to heat up quickly and advance the progress of your relationship.

PS: Many people have been dating for a long time without any progress, it’s because they don’t advance the relationship in time, but just discuss and chat with each other on the topic level, which is of no help to the relationship, so they stay in the friendship stage.

This explains why they had feelings for each other but remained friends for several years and never became lovers.

After understanding the above formula, the next step is the most important part of this article, which is also the most difficult and important part of the relationship advancement – how to chat from a friend relationship to an ambiguous relationship.

I call it the “4-axe” chat method to warm up relationships.

2. “Four Axe” Chat Method

In the process of getting to know each other, many people always struggle to stay in the “friend stage”, not having the courage or not knowing how to improve the relationship.

Generally speaking, in a relationship, as long as one party takes the initiative to improve the relationship, the other party only needs to tacitly agree, which means they want to date you.

The key to successfully improving relationships is that the other party is interested in you and has a high degree of favorability towards you.

Only at this time, your chances of successfully improving relationships are greatest.

The key words at this time are: “Try to pull up”

When you have been friends for a while and your relationship has reached a certain level, you can try to say something a little ambiguous. If the other party does not reject it, you can continue to advance the relationship a step further. If the other party refuses or rejects it, then you can retreat back to being friends and continue to attract each other.

(Note that this degree is very important. Don’t use it abruptly when you have just met someone or when the other person is completely uninterested.)

We can try to increase the price by changing the name:

For example:

M: Honey, you have to get up early tomorrow.

Girl: Yeah, ok.

——Agree by default, and you can continue to try to pull up to a deeper level

For example:

M: Honey, please get up early tomorrow.

Woman: ??? Who are you calling dear?

——Reject what you don’t like, and then retreat to continue being friends out of comfort and attraction.

The purpose of improving relationships is to mobilize emotions. Love comes from emotions. Here is a specific methodology of the four tricks in chatting:

The first axe: To suppress, first raise the axe

We all feel scared when we see roller coasters or other things that make us feel thrilled, but most people still can’t help but want to try them because the ups and downs feeling makes you addicted.

The same goes for chatting. If you always speak in a dull manner, the other person may find you boring, and their relationship with you will naturally become more and more distant. But when you speak in an interesting way, the other person will most likely like the feeling of chatting and getting along with you.

To praise by first criticizing means to stimulate the other person’s emotions through changes in words, so that she can’t guess what you are thinking and finds you interesting.

For example:

Woman: I’m so hungry.

×Response method: “I’ll order takeout for you and deliver the food to you” – this is very boring, like a movie that is easily guessed.

√ Reply method:

M: (Sends a photo of his own cooking) Do you want to eat?

Girl: Yes.

Male: I won’t give it to you, I’ll eat it myself.

Female: Humph, forget it if you don’t want to eat it

Man: I’m just teasing you. I’ll cook you a big meal when I get the chance.

You can understand this feeling, right? Chatting becomes interesting when the topic becomes unpredictable. In contrast, a chat that directly solves the problem will seem dull and boring.

(Of course, this article is mainly about the chat methodology. You still have to do what you should actually do. Remember, the methodology is to help you warm up and add points, not to advocate using words instead of actions.)

When you make the other person feel interesting, her favorability towards you will increase, and it will be very easy for you to try to improve the relationship.

Second Axe: Unexpected Axe

That is to say, make the other person feel that what you say is “unexpected” for her.

Again, you will have no interest in a movie that has been spoiled, but when the plot is full of twists and turns and exciting, you will be deeply attracted.

Formula: half a sentence + reasonable transition

Specific steps:

First, break up what you want to say and only express half of it, and then say something reasonable that will surprise her.

For example:

Woman: Does this new dress I bought look good?

Male: Your clothes are so…beautiful (said halfway, then made a reasonable transition)

Woman: Haha, really?

Male: Oh, really, lying is so tiring (twist, unexpected)

Woman: Don’t stop me, I’m going to hit you!

Say half of your meaning first, so that the girl feels that you are guiding her in direction A. You are most likely expressing meaning A, but you suddenly turn to direction B, which creates an unexpected feeling.

The benefits of doing this: it attracts the other person’s attention, the topic becomes relaxed and pleasant, and it becomes easier to improve the relationship.

PS: This process should be said naturally. Don’t be embarrassed to use formulas, which goes against the natural nature of our conversation.

The third axe: Arouse love

It means making the other person feel fond of you from the friendship stage, so that you can naturally improve the relationship.

This technique is called: reverse pursuit

Formula 1: Do you want to XX me like XXX?

Formula 2: Without me, there are XXX disadvantages; with me, there are XXX advantages

You can use either formula, the effect is the same: both make her fall in love with you.

Formula 1, for example:

Girl: I’m hungry.

Man: Do you want me to cook for you?

Girl: Yes.

Formula 2: For example:

Girl: I’m hungry.

Man: You see, you can’t even have a meal when I’m not with you. If I were here, I would never let you go hungry.

The purpose is to make girls feel that “if you are here, she will be better than she is now.”

PS: The premise of this technique is to make sure that the other person is interested in you. It would be strange to say such things if they are not interested.

The fourth trick: screen placement

Finally, insert romantic love scenes into the chat to arouse the other person’s beautiful fantasies about love.

Specific formula: romantic plot description + hope for the future

For example:

▶「Implanted couple scene: From now on, you cook and I wash the dishes. Let’s make a deal, if you don’t cook well, you’ll have to eat it all by yourself~」

▶ “Implanted physical contact: When you are cooking, I hug you from behind and hope that time will freeze.”

▶ “Implanting ambiguous love picture: Don’t look at me like that, it makes me want to kiss you.”

These romantic scenes can be seen in idol dramas, romance novels, and romance movies. These require your daily accumulation and learning how to express them.

When you say these words, if the other person already has a little affection for you, he or she will easily become shy and immersed in the excitement of love, and your relationship will naturally heat up.

4. Finally, warming up the relationship-dating

No matter how good the conversation is, the ultimate goal of warming up the relationship is to go on a date and spend time together in real life.

How do you determine whether you have been successful in improving relationships?

Three methods:

1. Changes in name or intimate conversation

You can give the other person some special names.

For example: dear, baby, little fool, little darling, etc.

Or say something intimate.

For example: I dreamed of you last night, did you miss me?

When you say these things, if the other person is not opposed to it, or even likes it a little, it means that your relationship has advanced to the ambiguous stage, and dating and becoming a couple will be a natural development.

2. Reality Invitation

In the end, the purpose of chatting is to go on a date and get to know each other better.

When you feel that things are going well between you, you can directly make an invitation:

For example: Let’s go out and play together some other day~

If he likes you, he will agree readily, and then the date will develop naturally offline.

PS: Don’t use various techniques just to be able to chat. These techniques are to help you naturally transition to a date.

Remember, good ways of chatting are any ways that allow you to actually spend time together and develop feelings.