Star Sinking

Chen Mo disappeared without leaving any trace.

I don’t know if I’m the only one in the orphanage who knows this secret.

But I know that she is not the first and will definitely not be the last.

Maybe the next one will be me.

As far as I can remember, Chen Mo has been my roommate, which has been twenty years.

She is three years older than me. When I couldn’t speak clearly, she acted like a little adult, always taking good care of me and never thinking I was a bother. On sleepless nights, I would sneak into her quilt and beg her to tell me stories.

Every time she told ghost stories about orphanages, the content was almost the same, it was nothing more than a child who was disobedient and was taken away by a ghost, or a child who ran around, got lost and never came back.

Every time I heard this, I got goosebumps all over my body. I would hold her tightly and refuse to let go, and then I would hear her laughing above my head as if she had succeeded.

In fact, life in the orphanage was not bad, and it could even be said to be good. We had nutritious meals, lived in clean dormitories, had all kinds of facilities, and could study various courses. We lived better than many children with parents outside.

But even so, like everyone else here, I still want to grow up quickly and get out of here – here, there is a depression that only we can feel.

We have to follow a lot of rules, which may seem small and ordinary on their own, but when they are added together, they can be suffocating. They are like invisible threads wrapped around you, tightening silently until you can no longer move.

In addition, there are many absolute prohibitions here, and those who violate the prohibitions will suffer severe punishment. No one knows what the punishment is, and the witnesses never mention it. They are always taken to the reprimand room late at night and sent back the next day. They have no external injuries, and their mental and behavioral state is normal, but their temperament has changed drastically, and they have become model good children.

I have never seen the discipline room open. What is even more strange is that it seems to have no windows, and it looks like it does not exist when viewed from outside the teaching building.

Most of us do things at the appointed time, and occasionally chat in our spare time, which is fine. However, I gradually found that the number of people I can talk to seems to be decreasing little by little.

At first, it was Little Eyes from the next dorm. She often smiled with her eyes curved into a slit, which was very cute. We were of similar age and personality, and often played together.

Then one day, I ran all over the orphanage and couldn’t find her. The teacher told me that she was adopted.

I didn’t think much about it, I was happy for her.

Later, a boy who always pulled my pigtails and made me so angry disappeared. I heard that it was also because of adoption.

When I grew up a little, I was assigned to help in the kitchen. The girl who washed dishes with me was a girl with bright eyes. She often told me what kind of life she wanted to live in the future, and every time she talked about it, her eyes were brighter than usual.

One sunny afternoon, when I was walking on the playground, she suddenly fell from the sky and landed heavily in front of me. I saw her eyes wide open, blood bursting from her body, breaking and spreading, turning into a large pool of deep red, as dark as night. The dean said that she was depressed and couldn’t think straight, so she committed suicide.

I was very confused. I clearly remembered the way she looked forward to the future. How could a girl with such bright eyes want to commit suicide?

The days that followed continued to be like this: some were adopted, some were assigned jobs, some died, some escaped, and some people didn’t even have a reason, they were just gone.

People are constantly leaving the orphanage in various ways.

小孩子不谙世事，仍旧循着规矩度日，但我们这些大孩子却人心惶惶。我甚至怀疑，那些口耳相传的鬼故事，并不是鬼故事，而是确确实实发生过的。

The night before Chen Mo disappeared, we were chatting in the dormitory and she told me that the dean introduced her to a clerical job.

“She asked me to pack my luggage immediately, but I didn’t agree,” said Chen Mo.

“Why?”

I know that leaving the orphanage has been her dream for many years, and she has imagined her future to me countless times.

She giggled and said, “I want to do an experiment.”

The next day, I couldn’t find her anywhere.

In the cafeteria, the teacher called the roll as usual. When she called Chen Mo, she said, “Chen Mo was selected by an outside company and left the hospital early this morning. She said she didn’t like parting, so she didn’t say hello to everyone.”

“Ah…” Several children were about to cry in disappointment.

The teacher quickly touched their heads and comforted them: “It’s okay, sister will definitely come back to see us. Come, let me tell you about today’s arrangements…”

The topic was changed and no one paid attention to it. After all, such things were very common.

My mind was mostly blank, with only a small part functioning, and there was a voice repeating itself over and over again:

“If I disappear, you must flee from here, you must!”

That was Chen Mo’s voice.

The orphanage is like an isolated island.

There are high walls on all sides that block access, and only one iron gate leading to the outside, which is guarded day and night every day.

我从来没看到有人从那扇门进来，也没看到有人从那扇门出去，我甚至都不记得它曾经打开过。

For someone like me who is weak and powerless, fighting alone is definitely not a good idea.

I secretly went to find Shen Zike. I knew he had always liked Chen Mo, and he was the only person I trusted in this orphanage.

“I knew it… I knew it…” He pulled his hair and whispered in pain, “She disappeared too…”

“also?”

Sure enough, she was not the first person.

“Come with me.”

Shen Zike took me to the door of the disciplinary room and told me that there was a box embedded in the wall in the corner of the classroom.

“There’s a door on the right side of the box. Open it and you’ll enter the underground tunnel. You can escape from there.”

“But……”

Suddenly, the sound of high heels rang out not far away, and it was getting closer and closer. We both shuddered at the same time and looked at each other in panic.

Shen Zike lowered his voice and said, “Wait for me at the entrance of the cafeteria tonight. I’ll give you the key.”

I didn’t have time to ask him how he got the key. The moment we passed each other, the key was already in my hand.

In the darkness of night, I came to the door of the disciplinary room alone.

My hands were shaking badly, and the sound of the key rubbing and hitting the keyhole made my breathing quicken. The moment the door opened, I closed my eyes and rushed in.

The room was pitch black and nothing could be seen. I could only vaguely hear a strange ticking sound, as if it was made by some instrument. It was very faint, but the frequency was very stable.

I plucked up my courage and touched the switch on the wall and pressed it. After a crisp click, the whole classroom lit up.

“Ah!” I screamed briefly and covered my mouth tightly. My legs were weakening and I held onto the wall to prevent myself from collapsing on the ground.

I saw Chen Mo.

She was shaved, eyes closed, and floating naked in a cylindrical water tank. Countless wires were inserted around the water tank, connected to the machine next to it. Her face was calm, as stable as a fetus in amniotic fluid.

I wanted to see if she was still alive, but just as I was about to walk over, the sirens sounded.

他们发现我了！我浑身的神经瞬间绷紧，立刻钻进沈子珂告诉我的地方，落荒而逃。我拼命向前跑，用力得甚至感觉不到自己的双腿。

I don’t know if Shen Zike did something again, but the sirens stopped abruptly the moment I saw the exit.

After I crawled out of the abandoned building, I couldn’t stop. I ran until I could no longer see the building, and then I dared to rest on a bench under a street lamp in the park.

This was the first time I didn’t go to bed at the scheduled time. My body clock was disrupted by the excitement and I didn’t feel sleepy at all.

In the orphanage, a whistle is blown in the morning and everyone has to get up, and a whistle is blown in the evening and everyone has to go to bed. The nights there are always pitch black.

And now, I can sit in the moonlight, or I can sit until the sky turns white and orange, and wait for the first ray of light of the next day.

After daybreak, many people gradually appeared in the park. Some were running, some were dancing, some were playing chess, some were playing the piano, and there were all kinds of people. This was a world that only existed in fantasy, and I was dazzled.

My stomach growled, bringing me back to reality—I hadn’t eaten since last night.

I know that everything in this world costs money, but I have no money. I tried to endure it again and again, but I couldn’t resist my body’s instinct.

Only those who have experienced hunger know what crazy things hunger can make people do.

I approached the man who was wearing glasses and looked gentle and friendly. However, these keywords were not the main reason why I approached him – he was holding half a hamburger in his hand.

“Can you give me this?” I said, “I’m very hungry.”

The man looked at me like I was a psychopath.

“Please sit down, I’ll go buy you another one.” He said, pointing to the seat next to me.

When a whole burger was placed in front of me, I forgot all the rules of the orphanage and ate without any image or even restraint.

“Eat slowly.” A cup of Coke was pushed in front of me. I ignored him until the burger filled my throat and I had to beat my chest.

The man smiled, not in a mocking way, but in a friendly way.

“You don’t look like someone who’s homeless. Are you a runaway?”

“I guess so.” I replied.

“Arguing with parents, or…”

“Can you take me in?” I looked up, interrupting the long speech he was about to begin.

I knew this wasn’t what the teacher said girls should do, but I had nowhere else to go, and I trusted him.

He really brought me home.

His house was large, with two floors and a courtyard with a pond surrounded by flowers of all kinds. We went up to the second floor and stopped in front of the door of the room closest to the stairs.

“You can stay in this room. The bathroom is across the street.”

The room was pure white with a few touches of blue, bright and clean.

“You take a rest first. If you are hungry, there is food in the fridge. You can also go to the living room and watch TV.”

The words foreshadowing our separation made me uneasy, so I quickly asked, “What about you?”

“I have to go to work and I’m late now.” He looked at his watch and frowned. In a hurry, I didn’t even ask his name.

My identity as a guest made me feel restrained. I stayed in the room all day, sometimes sleeping and sometimes looking at the sky.

At 7:30 in the evening, I heard the sound of a car roaring downstairs. I ran downstairs and stood at the door before he opened it.

He was startled by me and then laughed.

“I bought you pizza, do you want to eat it together?”

I nodded vigorously.

The pizza was cut into eight pieces, and I ate four in one go. Maybe I ate too fast, so he asked me, “Did you not eat lunch?”

I shook my head. So he gave me the rest of the pizza. I felt a little embarrassed, but I finished it.

“Thank you for taking me in, but I don’t know your name yet.”

“Keep it a secret.” He looked at me in a daze across the table. “I helped you so much, but you never said a word about your affairs. I had no choice but to be on guard against you.”

I secretly clenched my palms and told him seriously: “I am not a bad person.”

“What if you’re a wanted criminal? I don’t want to be charged with harboring someone.”

“If I were wanted, it would be on TV.”

“Ha, you react pretty quickly.” The man laughed again.

He seemed to love to laugh. My cheeks felt strangely hot and my throat was dry, so I buried my head in the water cup and tried to hide.

“My name is He Gu,” he said.

“What about work? What do you do?” I looked up and realized that I was being a little too demanding.

He Gu curled his lips in embarrassment: “I really have to keep my work confidential. I signed a confidentiality agreement when I joined the company.”

I stopped asking.

After dinner, he and I sat on the sofa and watched TV, about two people away from each other. On the screen, the evening news was playing again.

“An asteroid with a diameter of about five kilometers is
heading towards the Earth at a speed of 31,330 kilometers per hour. Scientists have made precise calculations and found that although it is very small, the possibility of a collision cannot be denied. Please don’t panic…”

I remember reading a book in the library of the orphanage that said many biological extinction events in the history of the Earth were caused by impacts of small celestial bodies.

“Don’t worry, it’s impossible.” He Gu looked at me and tilted his head.

“Um?”

“Looking at your heavy expression, you’re not really scared, are you? This kind of news is reported almost every few years. It’s okay. You have to believe in science.”

“Doesn’t science say this can’t happen?”

“No, but science will make everything clear.”

When He Gu said this, he was so confident that his whole body was glowing. However, I only saw his light at the time, but did not see the shadow behind him.

From that day on, He Gu’s home became a safe haven. I firmly believed that as long as I didn’t go out, no one could catch me.

My life became comfortable and I even forgot about the orphanage. Then one day, Chen Mo came to my door.

She came into my dreams.

That night, I walked into the disciplinary room and saw her floating in the large cylindrical tank. She had her eyes open and was motioning for me to come over.

I saw her mouth opening and closing, as if she was saying something. I couldn’t help but get curious, so I moved closer to find out what was going on.

“Run!” She looked behind me, suddenly her eyes widened, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

I instinctively turned around and saw a huge shadow approaching me. A man’s hand reached out from the darkness and tightly grasped my throat.

“Ah!” I screamed and escaped from the dream, sitting on the bed, covering my head and trembling, cold sweat running down my hands.

The door was slammed open, and He Gu rushed in, coming to my bed with a worried look on his face: “What’s wrong? Is it…”

I hugged him suddenly.

I put my arms around his waist, rested my head on his shoulder, and pressed myself against him. And he, a few seconds later, put his arms around my shoulders as well. I leaned cheekily against his chest, feeling extremely safe.

I suddenly thought, maybe this house is not my refuge, but He Gu is. This is probably what I have seen in novels about love and liking.

“Are you having a nightmare?” His voice was so gentle that I unconsciously wanted to act coquettishly and I nuzzled myself in his arms again.

“Um.”

“It’s okay now.” He patted my shoulder to comfort me.

I closed my eyes, feeling the love brought by each gentle caress. I couldn’t bear to see him go, so I started to make small talk.

“Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

“I was in the study just now. I had some problems at work.”

“Oh…” Although I wanted to keep him, I didn’t dare to ask too much when I thought about the confidentiality of work matters.

I crawled out of his arms and told him I was fine. He Gu seemed to be worried about me and insisted on giving me a hot cup of milk. He also said it was cold at night and asked me to put on a coat before going downstairs.

This kind of ordinary concern makes my heart touched.

I combed my hair, and with my heart beating wildly, I prepared to go downstairs. When I passed by He Gu’s study, I was attracted by the light coming from inside. In just a glance, I saw Chen Mo again.

On the right side of He Gu’s computer screen, there is a photo of Chen Mo.

I recognized the photo. It was a one-inch photo taken uniformly in the orphanage. I remember that Chen Mo was still worried that she would get blisters at the corners of her mouth and it would look ugly.

There was something written on the left side of the photo, and I walked over to take a look.

“The kidney transplant has been completed. The host has no rejection reaction. Clone C2096 can be discarded…”

The signature at the bottom is He Gu, deputy leader of the postoperative observation group.

My brain couldn’t think, my legs couldn’t move, I was nailed to the computer, and my eyes were full of terrible words.

“The milk is ready!” He Gu called me.

His voice was just downstairs, but it sounded particularly far away, and gradually mixed with Chen Mo’s “run away” in the dream.

He became a dark figure in my dreams.

I knew it was time to leave him.

Downstairs, He Gu was standing by the dining table with milk in his hand, waiting for me. Maybe it was a psychological effect, but I felt like he was staring at me, carefully observing every step I took down the stairs.

“The temperature is just right. You’ll have a good sleep after drinking it.” He handed the milk to me.

I didn’t want to arouse his suspicion, so I took the drink and drank it while thinking of an excuse to leave the place in a reasonable manner.

But I didn’t have much time to think. Soon, the world in front of me began to spin. My body was shaking, and I used all my strength to hold on to the dining table, barely controlling myself.

He Gu was standing opposite me and didn’t come over to help me.

My vision began to blur and the colors in the room blended together and eventually turned white.

Now I was sure he was really staring at me.

When I woke up again, I was in a spacious white room. The room was as big as a factory, with many people in white coats walking around, and many computers and machines I didn’t recognize. It looked like a place for scientific research in a movie.

I knocked on the glass wall not far from the bed and realized that I was the one being studied.

I saw He Gu, he was also wearing a white coat. The moment our eyes met, he dodged and quickly walked out of my sight.

Not long after, the glass door was opened by three people in white coats. The woman walking at the end was holding a pen and a notebook, writing something down.

Thinking of Chen Mo’s appearance, I kept trembling and dodging backwards until I had nowhere to retreat.

“Clone C2280, you will undergo a heart transplant operation in two weeks. Now we need to conduct a series of examinations on you. I hope you will cooperate.” The white-coated leader said to me calmly.

“Heart transplant? Mine…” I couldn’t help but cover my chest.

“That’s right, your body is in urgent need of a transplant, so we’d better hurry. Okay, now lie on the bed, we’re going to do some basic checks.” As he said that, another man in a white coat began to fiddle with the machine beside the bed.

With a beep, the screen lit up and a rhythmic sound was heard.

I instantly went back to the night I escaped from the orphanage. That night, the last time I saw Chen Mo, she made the same sound. I seemed to see myself floating in a container with my hair shaved off.

“Hurry up, we have limited time.” The man urged impatiently, then reached out his hand to try to pull me.

“Ah!!” I looked at his hands and screamed uncontrollably.

I don’t want a transplant, I don’t want to be abandoned, I’m still young, I still want to live.

I waved my arms wildly and slapped the hands that were holding me. I tore, I struggled, I resisted with all my might.

But how could I defeat two men? One of them lifted my upper body, and the other held my legs, pinning me down on the bed and tying me up tightly. I clenched my fists and tried to move my body, but I could only barely lift my neck and shake my head.

They turned a blind eye to my collapse and operated the machine calmly.

I watched helplessly as a palm-sized iron block came towards my head. I had no time to be afraid. I just felt a sharp pain running through my body.

I fainted.

When I opened my eyes again, I was still lying on the bed, but I was untied. The machine was turned off, and there was a plate with a sandwich and milk on it, and the people around me were gone.

I wanted to sit up, but the dizziness and body aches prevented me from doing so. I could only stare at the white ceiling above my head.

I thought about the future that Chen Mo and I had imagined together.

In the future we want to live in a bustling city, find a job that we love so much that we are willing to work overtime for it, then get in touch with as many people as possible and feel joy, anger, sorrow and happiness to the fullest – the days in the orphanage are too pale, and we want to be flesh-and-blood, living people.

I want these, I don’t want to die.

Why should I die for a stranger?

While I was daydreaming, I heard footsteps.

I was looking forward to it. As expected, He Gu came to see me secretly. He must have something to hide. How could such a warm and kind person lie to me? He must have come to explain to me. Thinking of this, I couldn’t wait and supported my body with all my strength.

However, the person standing in front of me was a woman. That woman had a face just like mine.

Unlike my surprise, she was very calm. She looked me up and down for a long time.

“You’re exactly like me,” she said.

I didn’t say anything and just watched her.

Although she looked like me, wrinkles had already appeared at the corners of her eyes, indicating that she was older than I. Her face was pale, her eyes were dull, and her whole body was bloodless. Even her speech was weak.

I think she is my true self.

“They said you needed my heart.”

“Yes, there is something wrong with my heart, and I need to replace it with yours to keep living.” She said this calmly, as if it was as simple as changing a mobile phone.

“Then will I die in your place?”

“Yes.” She looked at me. “I know this is unfair to you, but strictly speaking, you are just a product of science, not a life. Of course, it’s normal that you don’t understand. This is indeed beyond your cognitive ability. After all, we have been hiding it from the public for many years.”

I thought of He Gu and grinned, “So, everyone who works here has to sign a confidentiality agreement, right?”

The woman was stunned for a moment, probably trying to guess the reason for my question. “That’s right. There are only fifteen similar places in the world. This is a secret known to very few people.”

I understood most of it and smiled bitterly: “The very few people you mentioned, do you mean the rich or the noble?”

“Yes, just like we can go to space anytime by spending hundreds of millions of dollars, it is a privilege that money brings us. Human life is too short, and we want to extend it as much as possible, so we clone ourselves to prepare for emergencies. From another perspective, this is actually good for the world itself. After all, the development and changes of this world are all accomplished by us.”

“What about us? Just victims of the world?”

“You are not victims. On the contrary, you are the recipients of gifts. If it weren’t for me, you would not have been born, let alone spent more than twenty years. More than twenty years is already very lucky for you.” The woman’s eyes seemed to penetrate me.

She was wearing high heels, and I could only see her slightly raised chin. Such a proud head made me suddenly want to resist.

“What would happen to you if I died before the surgery?”

The woman stared at me for at least five seconds, then smiled.

“You won’t die.” She stood up. “Go to bed early. You need to conserve your energy before the operation.”

After the woman left, I searched every corner of the room but couldn’t find any sharp objects. I banged my head against the glass wall, but found that it was elastic. Although it hurt every time it hit the wall, I was still intact.

I had no choice but to choose a hunger strike, which was the only way I could think of to hurt myself.

I didn’t know whether I fell asleep or fainted from hunger, and before I knew it, I lost consciousness.

The first thing I saw when I woke up was the white coats again. This time they were four men.

“Didn’t you eat?” one of them said to himself, “I thought you were the honest type. Come on, intubate her!”

“What? Um…” Before I could even ask, the other three men rushed over and instantly controlled me. I was tied up again. This time, I couldn’t even move my head.

I couldn’t struggle and could only scream.

Then, a tube came at me and was inserted into my nasal cavity.

I lost my voice.

I felt the tube going deeper and deeper, down my throat, into my chest, and down into my stomach.

I felt my air being sucked out, and I tried to gasp for air. But the moment I took in air, I felt nauseous again, and opened my mouth to vomit. Then I felt suffocated, and opened my mouth again… This vicious cycle repeated endlessly.

I kept experiencing the terrifying illusion of drowning and dying, and I didn’t have time to care whether my facial expression was distorted. I don’t know how long this feeling lasted, maybe a long time, maybe less than a minute, but it ended in the end.

“If you want to experience this feeling again, continue your hunger strike.” The man in the white coat warned me coldly.

My eyes were hollow and I was so exhausted that I didn’t even have the energy to open my mouth.

“Let’s digest it for a while. We’ll come back in two hours.”

They didn’t untie me, and I was left with my limbs spread out while countless people were walking around. This position was indecent and I felt ashamed.

这两个小时无限漫长，我甚至希望我能再昏过去。两个小时之后，白大褂让我明白羞耻的真正含义。

They took off my clothes. When my skin was exposed to the air, it didn’t feel cool as I had imagined, but instead felt hot, almost scalding.

This time, they covered my mouth to prevent me from screaming. I was so anxious that I clenched my fists, cried, and my toes curled up as if they were about to break.

But it was all in vain.

Doctors in white coats surrounded the bed on both sides, holding various instruments, operating them randomly on my body and speaking medical terms to each other that I didn’t understand.

After a long time, they dispersed. Just when I thought everything was over, an electric current suddenly penetrated my body, stimulating my nerves. I was unable to resist it even if I bent my body hard.

My lower body relaxed uncontrollably, and then there was the sound of flowing water.

They are controlling my excretion.

I thought of the zoo. I have never been to a zoo, but I think I am almost like the animals in the zoo now.

I lost all the characteristics that distinguish humans from animals – I can no longer decide my own schedule, eat at my own will, or even excrete food.

When they left, they didn’t give me any clothes to wear, but just covered my private parts. Strangely, I felt cold.

Days like this continued, I kept my eyes open and couldn’t tell whether it was day or night. Every once in a while, I was force-fed, and then again, I was forced to defecate. In between, there were countless tests and difficult and humiliating examinations.

Gradually, I got used to being stripped naked in front of people, used to all kinds of cold instruments, and used to the feeling of being hit by electric current and having tubes inserted into my nasal cavity.

这样的日子我一天也不想过了，我甚至想那该死的手术提前，让我赶紧死。

Now, I am naked and tied to the bed in a spread-eagle position, like a puppet with a flesh and blood, a walking corpse with only a shell in sight.

I spend most of my time half asleep, and when I am awake, I think of the children in the orphanage.

I wonder if those who have left have experienced the same thing as me, and I wonder if those who have not left will experience the same thing as me?

We are given life by science, so does that mean we can be deprived of our organs and lives at any time and then abandoned at will?

We have thoughts, memories, and emotions. Even if we don’t have equality and choice, at least we should be left with dignity, right?

This is not fair.

“I know what you’re thinking.” The woman’s voice sounded again. I turned my head with difficulty and she had come to my bedside. “I told you a long time ago that you can’t die.”

“Yes!” I smiled bitterly while lying on my back, “You don’t allow me to live, nor do you allow me to die.”

“You don’t need to think so much. You are just a copy of me. You live to donate your organs to me. If you don’t resist, maybe you will have an easier time in the rest of your life.”

“I can’t resist anymore.” I moved my wrist and laughed at myself. “If you came here specifically to give me advice, thank you. I want to be quiet for a while now, okay?”

I turned my head away, not wanting to talk to her anymore.

“No, I came here today mainly to fulfill your wish,” she said.

“Wishes? Hospice care?” I asked her with a sneer.

A trace of kindness flashed in the woman’s eyes: “I guess so. After all, you are another me, and you are still a life. I don’t want you to leave with regrets.”

She looked at me sincerely, as if she was stubborn and would not leave unless I made some requests.

I thought about it for a long time and then asked softly, “Can I meet He Gu?”

Perhaps because it was her last wish, the woman thoughtfully prepared a separate room for us. The room was surrounded by walls, but it had the light of the sun.

He Gu sat in the corner, not daring to look me in the eye. I wasn’t angry with him at all, but when he was silent, I was wondering if I had taken away his smile.

“Do whatever you want.” He still lowered his head and spoke softly.

I was stunned by his incoherent words and murmured, “Hmm?”

“I drugged you and had you brought here. You can beat me up if you want, or scold me if you want. I don’t care. But you have to know that this is my duty. I have to do this. I have devoted my life to genetic research and human progress. Even if I were given countless choices, I would make the same choice and would never regret it!” His tone became heavier and heavier, and at the end, he seemed to be angry. He stared at me with red eyes.

I don’t understand why he was angry, since I was the one who was going to die.

“I just want to ask you a question.”

He Gu frowned, rubbing his hands together, looking very nervous, “What’s the problem?”

“Regarding the news about the asteroid that is about to hit the earth, I want to know the follow-up. Have scientists come up with a solution?”

He looked at me, puzzled.

“Just curious.” I shrugged and walked to another corner of the room to sit down. “I thought, maybe if the earth could be destroyed before I do the surgery, I could die in a different way and it would be considered a successful resistance.”

I smiled at him as if I was joking, but he still didn’t laugh.

He didn’t answer my question, but asked me seriously: “What else do you want?”

“A lot.” I couldn’t control my legs from moving. “I grew up in an orphanage and hardly ever left the house. I’ve only seen most of the places in the world in books…”

“For example?”

“For example, museums, art galleries, historical sites, etc.”

“Is that all you want to see?”

I felt a little embarrassed: “Why, does it sound a bit useless?”

He shook his head slightly. “I thought you would want to see something bigger and more stunning, like the ocean, mountains, or the aurora.”

I recalled the contents of the book in my mind. Although these things are followed by various grand adjectives, I can’t feel them at all from the pictures.

“Have you ever seen the sea?” I asked him.

He answered readily, “Of course, the sea is my refuge. From childhood to adulthood, whenever I have troubles in my heart, I go to the seaside.”

“And then? Is the matter resolved?”

“No.” He shook his head. “The problem still exists, but the sea makes me put my worries aside. When you stand in front of it, you will feel very small, as small as a speck of dust, a wave, or anything insignificant. And your worries will disappear because of it.”

He Gu looked at me, but also seemed to be looking at someone else. He was immersed in it, but I couldn’t empathize with him, or even understand him.

But, I believe what he said.

So, I became more demanding and made another request – I said to the woman, I want He Gu to accompany me to watch the sea.

The woman agreed and said I could go the day before the surgery.

Various inspections continued, but I stopped screaming and struggling – rather than being forced in humiliation, it was better to cooperate actively.

And I also found that the white coats who examined me, both men and women, looked at me with a calm gaze. They looked at me like a chef looking at a piece of meat on the chopping board that is about to be thrown into the pot.

Gradually, I accepted the current situation and began to assume in my heart that I was the piece of meat.

It is said that fate is determined by heaven, but for me, that woman is my heaven. Now, she stretched out her hand to ask me to hand over my heart, and I couldn’t refuse.

As the days passed, I began to feel relieved.

It turns out that everyone is fulfilling their own mission and living in another way. And I will become one of them.

Facing death, I was no longer nervous, and I began to think that what the woman said made sense – I had earned more than 20 years of life. I guess I could barely call it fate.

But I didn’t expect that the woman would collapse instead.

The night before we went to the beach, she walked in and knocked on my window like crazy. I woke up from my dream and saw that she was wearing the same clothes as me, with messy hair and red eyes. She looked at least two times thinner than last time. The ease she had before was long gone.

She slumped on the ground as if she was drunk.

“I heard that you’ve been doing well recently…” She grinned, her smile was forced and ugly, “They told me that you’re very calm. Ha, calm…”

I didn’t answer, but just lay on the bed and listened to her quietly.

“How can you be calm? You are going to give me your heart soon. You are going to die soon, do you know that? Death! Yes, death!!”

She was mad at me, but I wasn’t angry, I just felt pity.

I asked her, “So, you’re going to live on my heart soon, why are you afraid?”

She looked up at me, trying her best to suppress me with her eyes.

“Scared? Why would I be scared? I…”

“The success rate of the operation is not 100%, right?” I asked bluntly, “You are afraid that you will die on the operating table like me. You are afraid that even if you don’t die, you will be trembling in fear for the rest of your life, afraid that other problems will arise, right?”

I broke through her defenses. She lowered her head, buried it between her bent knees and body, like an ostrich deceiving itself.

“You are my clone, and you have copied my genes completely. It sounds amazing, right? But you know what? We didn’t share a womb, and we didn’t experience the same growth environment, so your body will accumulate mutant genes that my immune system has never seen. That is to say, after your organs are transplanted into my body, our immune systems may attack each other.”

“You mean, rejection reaction?”

“That’s right.” She whispered, “If rejection really happens, I hope it’s acute. Chronic is too torturous… Ha, the science we firmly believe in is not foolproof. You must think it’s ridiculous, right? Feel free to laugh. Anyway, I might be dying soon…”

I couldn’t see her face, but I knew she was crying.

“You’re not afraid of death,” I told her, “you’re just afraid of failure. You’ve been involved in the human cloning program since you were diagnosed with heart disease at the age of twelve. In order to have a suitable body when a transplant is needed, you have to undergo monthly checkups and are required to eat and exercise regularly. You’ve missed out on too many things, the company of friends, the beauty of love, the sunsets over the mountains and rivers, and you’ve lived your life just to live. You’re afraid that you’ll give everything but still not survive, and that you’ll just waste time and your life in vain. But you have to understand that you’re different from me, and you can choose.”

“Choice?” She raised her head, her face full of tears, looking very fragile.

I looked into her eyes and said to her confidently, “Everyone’s life is limited. Accidents always come unexpectedly. Instead of worrying about the future, it is better to focus on the present. You can start over at any time and live any life you want, no matter what.”

The next day, when I was sent to the car, He Gu first handed me a piece of plum candy: “Are you carsick? It will probably take two hours to drive.”

I had never been on a car ride for such a long time, so I didn’t know if I would get carsick, but I still ate the candy.

There were all kinds of music playing in the car, some light, some heavy, some slow, some fast. I had a vague feeling that he seemed to want me to enjoy it all.

I looked out the window at the ever-changing scenery, trying not to notice the three cars following closely behind us.

He told me that scientists were finding it difficult to divert the asteroid that was heading for Earth, so they were preparing to smash it into pieces mid-flight.

It seemed that the earth would be safe and sound, and I was the only one heading towards death. Inexplicably, I felt at ease.

The tall buildings outside the car window turned into low houses, and the asphalt road turned into a dirt road. I saw the rice fields I had seen in books, and the stalks with ears of rice swaying in the wind; I saw the tracks, and the trains emitting white smoke rumbling by; I saw barren mountains, and the trees standing upright on the mountainside.

The car was driving very fast, and the whirring sound made my hair cover my eyes.

Then, a damp wind blew in. It was icy and cold, like a small piece of ice cream on my face.

I saw the sea.

The sea in the book was a picture divided into two halves. I could never imagine that it would extend infinitely to the point of being boundless.

Under the sky that was as blue as a painting, the waves were white and sparkling as they ran towards me. They were surging and surging, colliding with each other, and then they were smashed into pieces and collapsed at my feet, soaking my shoes.

The wind blew over and penetrated my body, and the kind of chill I had never experienced before.

I raised my head and took a deep breath. The mixture of dampness and coldness was probably the smell of freedom.

I vaguely felt that my withered heart was slowly reviving.

It’s great to be alive. I want to live like this forever. I want to see the blue sky every day, breathe the fresh air every day, and be with the people I love every day.

“How is it?” Consultant He asked me.

“It’s so good, I want to jump in and run away.” I just said the truth, and then added jokingly, “It’s a pity that I can’t swim, and you won’t let me run away.”

He looked far away at the other side of the sea, expressionless, “You have reason to be angry with me. It was indeed me who brought you to this situation.”

I shook my head: “You have your reasons for doing this to me, because this is your job and the science you have always believed in.”

“Yes, I do believe in science. I think it is omnipotent and can make the world more perfect and better. The same goes for cloning technology. It has indeed saved many lives, brought new life to many people, and prevented many painful separations. But…” His voice dropped suddenly, and I saw that the light in his eyes was gone.

“I’m beginning to doubt it now…” he said. “In the past, I never thought about how you clones felt, or I simply didn’t think of you as human beings. I always thought you were a product of technology like a new vacuum cleaner, which I could use whenever I wanted and then throw away. But after getting to know you, I found that you are just like us, with your favorite TV shows, favorite foods, and places you want to go… You are a living being just like us.”

My nose felt sore and I immediately raised my eyes to stop the tears from falling.

I always thought that existence was reasonable, and I thought I had been fighting alone on the opposite side of the whole world, but I didn’t expect that the man next to me was trying to understand me.

I didn’t want him to see me crying, so I just pretended to be dazzled and raised my hand to wipe my eyes.

“I’m sorry, if you hadn’t met me, you might still be alive somewhere in the world, and you would have met a good person…”

“But, it’s you I want to meet.” I couldn’t control my trembling voice, and my tears kept falling down, and I couldn’t wipe them away.

I have lived cautiously all my life. Since I am about to die, let me be bold for once.

I turned to him, jumped into his arms, and hugged his neck tightly.

“I like you, let’s go out, just for this day.” My pounding heart made me anxious, I closed my eyes, and waited for the reply with anticipation.

But he didn’t answer.

“It’s actually less than a day. It’s only six hours.”

He still didn’t answer.

Silence was embarrassing, the sea breeze cooled my impulse, I let go of him and tried to save face: “I was just saying it casually, because I have never dated a man, it’s a bit regrettable… If you don’t agree, forget it…”

“I disagree because you have time to wait. Wait for a man you really like and who also likes you.”

I smiled bitterly: “Are you talking about the next life?”

“No.” He Gu looked at me seriously, “I’m serious, you won’t die, I won’t let you die.”

“What?”

“The operation will start in an hour or two. There’s no time!”

The accident happened in an instant, my body suddenly felt lighter, and the world in front of my eyes turned upside down.

A flash of cold light passed by, and my neck felt colder than the sea water. It came from a dagger against my neck.

Behind us, car doors slammed one after another. He Gu and I turned around and shouted at them fiercely, “Don’t come over! Otherwise I will kill her!”

I could feel the tip of the knife was very close to me, so close that if I moved even a little, blood would flow out. And He Gu’s hands were shaking.

“You’re shaking,” I pointed out.

I could hear him grit his teeth and say, “So don’t move, or I might really stab you.”

The people who got out of the car stood on their knees, ready to wait for the order to subdue us.

“Listen carefully. Run to the back of the mountain in a moment. After turning the corner, you will see a small cave. Go inside and there will be a boat waiting for you on the other side. You can completely trust the person driving the boat. Just keep running forward. No matter what you hear, don’t look back. Don’t worry, they want you to be alive and will not hurt you…”

“And you?”

I started to get nervous. He mentioned “you” countless times, but never mentioned himself. There were countless black gun muzzles pointing at us, and only one shot could kill him.

“I’ve already thought of my own escape route. Everything will be fine. I’ll come find you as soon as things calm down.”

“What’s the escape route?”

“I don’t have time to explain this to you!” He growled, put his arm around my shoulders and led me back.

Those people who were approaching us ferociously like tigers pouncing on their prey were slowly dispersing and gradually expanding the encirclement.

His hands were shaking more than before. His lips were close to my ears, and he made a quick sound: “I’ll count to one, two, three, and we’ll run together. Remember, never look back, and never stop. One…”

I wanted desperately to say something more, but it was too late.

“two……”

He dragged out the number, his hot breath on my neck.

“Three…Run!”

Just like the command after the flag-waving and shouting on the battlefield, I opened my eyes wide and ran desperately on the beach. Behind me, there were terrifying shouts.

He Gu was not by my side, I didn’t know where he was, but I remembered what he had told me. I didn’t dare to look back, I was afraid that I would make all his efforts go to waste.

Bang!

A gunshot rang out over the surging waves, and the world seemed to suddenly fall silent. I heard the dull sound of the sound hitting the beach.

That was the sound of He Gu falling to the ground.

Was he hit? Where was he hit? Was it fatal? My mind was filled with countless questions, slowing me down.

I really want to look back at him.

“Don’t look back! Run!” He Gu roared almost hoarsely.

Tears blurred my vision, I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists and continued running. After that, I successfully boarded the boat.

It was a speedboat, speeding away from the beach.

The wind in the middle of the sea was more than ten times stronger than that at the seaside, and the waves were even more violent. I sat on the deck, holding on to the hull tightly, my hands were cold.

He Gu was right, the sea can indeed make people feel insignificant. However, it was not entirely true, because it did not make me let go of my worries.

I was put up in a hotel in a small town and had nothing to do all day. One day while having breakfast, I saw a piece of news.

“It is reported that the unidentified male corpse that floated up from the sea a week ago has been identified.”

On the right side of the screen, there is a mosaic of a man’s face. “This man is Mr. He, who works at a research institute. After an autopsy, the police initially determined that he drowned after drinking…”

The chopsticks in my hand fell to the ground with a clatter, and I felt like I was drowning.

After coming here, I have thought countless times that the words “I will be fine” might be false, but I still want to believe him. But I forgot that he had already lied to me once before.

I hung my head and covered my face, worrying whether I could live the rest of my life supporting two people.

Boom boom boom!

When I heard the door open, I went to open it, but stood there like a wooden man. I thought I was hallucinating because I was too sad – He Gu was standing in front of me, alive and smiling.

“You…” I looked at him, then turned back to watch the TV, trying to decide which was true and which was false.

“The news is an explanation to the public for making me disappear. I said I would come to find you.” He tilted his mouth slightly, a little proud.

“But, I clearly heard gunshots…”

“Yes, I was shot, right here.” He Gu bent down in a strange posture, touched his calf, and stood up again with difficulty. “To be honest, I didn’t think I could survive. I’m lucky to have only one leg broken.”

I quickly helped him sit down and asked, “What’s going on?”

“It was Miss Chen, your real self, who saved me. She said that even if I didn’t help you escape, she would have.”

“How could it be…” I couldn’t understand.

“She asked me to tell you that she is very grateful for what you said to her that night. It was a great inspiration to her.”

“What about the surgery? How about it?”

“She doesn’t care anymore. She said that instead of staying in the hospital worrying about when she will die, it’s better to live well once, truly live once. Even if it’s only one day of freedom, it won’t be a waste of her life.” He Gu glanced at the clock on the wall, “I guess by now, she has already boarded the plane to Italy.”

I could imagine her full of energy, looking forward to life and excited. In fact, I knew that night that she was just like me, suppressed and bound for a lifetime, and longed for freedom. Now, she finally got what she wanted.

But what about me? As the dark side of technology, can I still live a normal life under the sun? What about the countless clones like me who are about to die at any time? How can those who have passed away rest in peace? Even children know that they need to see a doctor when they are sick. Now the whole world is sick, who can heal it…

“Don’t think too much.” He Gu seemed to know what I was thinking and put his arm around my shoulders to comfort me, “Everything will be fine. I’m here.”

I followed his heartbeat and still believed in him.

Half a year later, I received a letter from Miss Chen.

“I’m traveling around the world and everything is fine.

I was sick from time to time, and it was a bit troublesome to always carry a big bag of medicine with me. But I became a doctor through long illnesses, so I didn’t have to go to the hospital all the time.

The physical pain caused by illness can always be cured by good scenery, delicious food and a good mood. For this, I want to thank you.

I don’t know how long I can live, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe it will be a long time. I am living hard and grateful for every day.

How about you? How are you doing lately?

We have the same genes and the same appearance, but after all, you are not another me, you are just yourself.

I hope that at this moment you are living the life you want and enjoying your own life. “

At that time, He Gu and I had moved to a city near the sea, and we opened a small water bar by the sea. There were not many customers, but we could spend our days leisurely.

When there are no guests, we will sit together at the door, barefoot on the beach and watch the sea and sunset. Occasionally, I will think of the asteroid that was shattered and sank in the endless universe. Perhaps, that might be a good trip.

I put the letter away, dusted off the sand, and went back, just in time to meet He Gu who came out wearing an apron.

“I was just about to call you. Dinner is ready.” He naturally took my hand and walked in front of me.

The aroma of the food filled the room. I took a deep breath and replied to her in my heart, well, I’ve been doing well recently too.